Pride is one of those virtues that is falsely positioned in the court of common opinion as a vice.
We’ve all heard the saying ‘pride comes before the fall’ (which comes from the Bible’s ‘pride goeth before destruction’).
But I put it to you, and Aristotle argues, that the “pride” most people disdain is not pride at all, but instead arrogance mixed with ignorance.
Pride is the virtue concerned with great things and Aristotle defines the proud man like this:
the man is thought to be proud who thinks himself worthy of great things and is worthy of them; for he who does so beyond his deserts is a fool, but no virtuous man is foolish or silly.
We often think of pride negatively because we imagine people who think themselves worthy of great things but actually are not worthy of them.
That, however, is not pride. That’s foolish. That’s also vanity. And that’s a vice.
You have the virtue of pride when your thoughts are aligned with reality.
You don’t just think you’re great. You actually are great.
he who is worthy of little and thinks himself worthy of little is temperate, but not proud; for pride implies greatness, as beauty implies a good-sized body, and little people may be neat and well-proportioned but cannot be beautiful. On the other hand, he who thinks himself worthy of great things, being unworthy of them, is vain; though not every one who thinks himself worthy of more than he really is worthy of is vain. The man who thinks himself worthy of less than he is really worthy of is unduly humble, whether his deserts be great or moderate, or his deserts be small but his claims yet smaller. And the man whose deserts are great would seem most unduly humble; for what would he have done if they had been less?
People often mistake pride with vanity or arrogance.
Remember: if you think yourself worthy of great things and ARE worthy of great things, it’s pride, not vanity.
If you are worthy of great things, but downplay them you are being unduly humble.
And that’s a vice in much the same way that vanity is a vice.
Pride is the mean. The two extremes are vanity and mock/undue humility.
We all know those people who know they are great in some area but try to play it down. It’s annoying. It’s insincere.
Like the really smart kid in class who always gets 100%.
“Wow, Jessica, you’re so smart!”
“No, I’m not. I’m dumb. I’m actually really stupid.”
Okay, whatever, Jessica, you fake lying piece of…
Or someone who is beautiful and they know it but always talk about how ugly they are.
That’s not humility!
It’s fake as shit and it’s a vice.
What does pride look like?
Maybe something like this:
“I know I’m not the best looking person in the world. In fact, I’m rather average. And my intellect when it comes to anything mathematical or scientific is severely lacking. But I’m definitely top percentile in creativity and ingenuity. I’m able to see solutions to problems that most cannot. And that’s why I’m so valuable in my career.”
That’s what real humility mixed with real pride looks like.
Pride is useful because it allows you to continue to enhance and refine what you’re good at, whilst also seeing where you need to pursue improvement so you can be proud in those areas too.
Pride is greatness mixed with honesty and self-awareness.
Done correctly, pride is incredibly attractive.
Done incorrectly, you end up with vanity, which is always ugly.
But this raises the question:
What should you be proud of?
What should you concern yourself with?
If, then, he deserves and claims great things, and above all the greatest things, he will be concerned with one thing in particular. Desert is relative to external goods; and the greatest of these, we should say, is that which we render to the gods, and which people of position most aim at, and which is the prize appointed for the noblest deeds; and this is honour; that is surely the greatest of external goods. Honours and dishonours, therefore, are the objects with respect to which the proud man is as he should be.
You must start concerning yourself with claiming the highest honours and also becoming the person who deserves them.
Think of soldiers who are proud of their medals.
They earned the honour of that recognition because they acted valiantly in the line of war.
They put themselves at risk for a noble end.
proud men are concerned with honour; for it is honour that they chiefly claim, but in accordance with their deserts.
You can be proud of many things.
But it’s best to be proud of the greatest things.
And the greatest of the great is always that which is honourable and noble.
The unduly humble man falls short both in comparison with his own merits and in comparison with the proud man’s claims. The vain man goes to excess in comparison with his own merits, but does not exceed the proud man’s claims.
Aristotle is really hammering home the fact that pride is the mean.
The vain man will exaggerate and still not be on the same level as the proud man.
The humble man will fall short with what he actually deserves and that of the proud man.
Now the proud man, since he deserves most, must be good in the highest degree; for the better man always deserves more, and the best man most. Therefore the truly proud man must be good. And greatness in every virtue would seem to be characteristic of a proud man. And it would be most unbecoming for a proud man to fly from danger, swinging his arms by his sides, or to wrong another; for to what end should he do disgraceful acts, he to whom nothing is great? If we consider him point by point we shall see the utter absurdity of a proud man who is not good.
See how all of these virtues are integrated?
They’re working in harmony.
You can’t be proud if you’re not great.
So you need to be great in every virtue to truly be proud.
How can you be proud if you run from danger like a coward?
How can you be proud if you lie to get your own way?
How can you be proud if you over-indulge in food at every opportunity?
Pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them. Therefore it is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character. It is chiefly with honours and dishonours, then, that the proud man is concerned; and at honours that are great and conferred by good men he will be moderately pleased.
When it comes to honour, you don’t just accept it from anybody.
You accept honour and are “moderately pleased” by honour bestowed upon you by great people.
You must be selective with where you get your honour from.
We’ve all had experiences where someone has praised us and we’ve felt good about it.
But did we ever stop to think about whether we should be feeling good about it?
Was the person praising us great?
Being praised by scumbags and losers is no great feat and we shouldn’t feel good about that. In fact, we should feel disgusted.
honour from casual people and on trifling grounds he will utterly despise, since it is not this that he deserves, and dishonour too, since in his case it cannot be just.
Someone praises you about something completely inconsequential?
Some small thing about you that achieves no noble end?
Then don’t feel good about that.
Despise that sort of praise.
Someone praises you who is completely reprehensible?
Again, you should despise this sort of praise.
Consider it no honour.
the proud man despises justly (since he thinks truly), but the many do so at random.
When people think of virtues and acting virtuously, many often think falsely that means you must be super nice to everyone and you can’t express distaste.
Again, this is wrong.
Living virtuously is all about living righteously, living truthfully, and living in accordance with your inner reason.
Despising things is fine as long as you are doing it “justly”.
As Aristotle says, many despise at random.
Think about the last time you heard someone express negative feelings for something or someone else.
Most people despise the final contestants on America’s Next Top Model.
Or they’ll express despisement for politicians simply because everyone else is doing so and without knowing any of their policies.
he is the sort of man to confer benefits, but he is ashamed of receiving them; for the one is the mark of a superior, the other of an inferior.
Be super selective with who you receive benefits from, what benefits you receive, and it what manner.
You should be ready to give benefits to others, but feel ashamed when it comes to receiving them.
Those who give are superior and those who receive inferior.
When you receive benefits, you should always look to settle the balance or even give back more than what you received.
he is apt to confer greater benefits in return; for thus the original benefactor besides being paid will incur a debt to him, and will be the gainer by the transaction. They seem also to remember any service they have done, but not those they have received (for he who receives a service is inferior to him who has done it, but the proud man wishes to be superior), and to hear of the former with pleasure, of the latter with displeasure.
Sounds manipulative until you reach the part about doing services for others with pleasure.
This is all about cultivating a mindset of pleasure around performing honourable and noble deeds.
This is only manipulative if you wish to get something out of someone else, if you wish to gain from what you give.
This couldn’t be further from the mindset the virtuous person has.
Always giving more, and feeling ashamed about receiving, is important to ensure that you don’t actually do the wrong thing (i.e. give only to receive).
It is a mark of the proud man also to ask for nothing or scarcely anything, but to give help readily.
Reduce how much you ask of others.
If you do need to ask something of someone, ensure that it really is worth it and there’s no other way around it, and then make sure that person is repaid more than what they did for you.
Again, it is characteristic of the proud man not to aim at the things commonly held in honour, or the things in which others excel; to be sluggish and to hold back except where great honour or a great work is at stake, and to be a man of few deeds, but of great and notable ones. He must also be open in his hate and in his love (for to conceal one’s feelings, i.e. to care less for truth than for what people will think, is a coward’s part), and must speak and act openly; for he is free of speech because he is contemptuous, and he is given to telling the truth, except when he speaks in irony to the vulgar.
There’s a blueprint for how to live your life:
- Don’t aim at the common “honours”
- Hold back except where great work is at stake
- Be one of few deeds but great and notable ones
- Be open in your hate and love, speaking openly
What are the common “honours”?
I’m sure you can think of some.
So you excel at social media?
Unless you’ve got a powerfully noble end in mind, being able to get a hundred likes on an Instagram photo isn’t an honour you should aim for.
It may be commonly praised but that does not make it honourable or great.
Remember that the King of the Losers is still a loser.
In fact, he’s the biggest loser.
Exercise what the Italians call “sprezzatura”, studied carelessness, holding back, and reserve your energy for great things.
Practice applying the Pareto Principle, the 80/20 rule, to everything you do.
It is better to do just 20% of what you could do so long as that 20% is great.
Cut away the fat.
As Jordan Peterson says, most of you is deadwood.
Let it burn away.
Let all but the few great and notable deeds remain.
Tough ask?
Of course.
But if it was easy everybody would be living a virtuous life.
Finally, speak truthfully.
That means, as long as you’re being righteous, as long as you’re being just, there is nothing wrong in speaking of your hatred.
In fact, it’s wrong to hide your hatred.
Hate the right things in the right way.
This doesn’t mean losing your temper.
It doesn’t mean flying into uncontrollable rage.
But certain angers expressed in controlled doses are powerful, noble, and virtuous.
And make sure you speak of your loves as equally as your hates, and ensure that you are loving the right things.
Hating a certain celebrity for no consequential reason isn’t noble.
The same is true of those that love that celebrity.
But if that celebrity were to stand for opinions against human rights, hatred can be more justified.
He must be unable to make his life revolve round another, unless it be a friend; for this is slavish, and for this reason all flatterers are servile and people lacking in self-respect are flatterers. Nor is he given to admiration; for nothing to him is great. Nor is he mindful of wrongs; for it is not the part of a proud man to have a long memory, especially for wrongs, but rather to overlook them. Nor is he a gossip; for he will speak neither about himself nor about another, since he cares not to be praised nor for others to be blamed; nor again is he given to praise; and for the same reason he is not an evil-speaker, even about his enemies, except from haughtiness.
Making your life revolve around another, one who isn’t a friend to you or not in your inner circle, bars you from being truly proud, truly virtuous.
Don’t flatter others or give admiration so easily.
This is straight out of leadership 101.
Aristotle’s not only teaching you how to be a virtuous person, but how to be someone that others look up to, how to lead the way.
Don’t be one of those people that keep a long laundry list of those who wronged you and how they wronged you.
Many will argue for revenge as an important strategy in making sure people don’t wrong you again in the future.
I understand where those people are coming from, but where Aristotle is coming from is by saying the virtuous one is too preoccupied with his or her own life, the great things they are striving after, and does not have the time or the mental bandwidth to store up such negative energy.
In order to acquire the virtue of pride, you must also stop gossiping.
You don’t need the praise of others.
And you certainly don’t need others to be blamed for anything.
So gossip can be dispensed with.
You have more important things to keep your mind on.
You have more important things to discuss.
a slow step is thought proper to the proud man, a deep voice, and a level utterance; for the man who takes few things seriously is not likely to be hurried, nor the man who thinks nothing great to be excited, while a shrill voice and a rapid gait are the results of hurry and excitement.
Slow down.
Speak surely, confidently, and with purpose.
Walk with purpose.
Do not be like an overexcitable puppy bounding around at every new shiny object, every new toy, every new person to appear in your life.
This is the mark of the proud.
the unduly humble man, being worthy of good things, robs himself of what he deserves, and seems to have something bad about him from the fact that he does not think himself worthy of good things, and seems also not to know himself; else he would have desired the things he was worthy of, since these were good.
And let’s just emphasise the fact that staying away from mock humility is extremely important.
Especially this week when you’ll be concentrating on acquiring the virtue of pride.
Live up to your greatness.
It’s a balancing act though, and you must be careful that you do not stray into vanity.
Vain people, on the other hand, are fools and ignorant of themselves, and that manifestly; for, not being worthy of them, they attempt honourable undertakings, and then are found out; and they adorn themselves with clothing and outward show and such things, and wish their strokes of good fortune to be made public, and speak about them as if they would be honoured for them.
So enough about what pride means.
Let’s start actually applying these lessons and integrating them into our lives.
That’s when real learning happens.
Let’s look at the virtue assignment for this week.
Virtue Assignment for Pride:
THIS WEEK:
– Being proud means you are full-rounded in character.
You are great in all virtues.
So this week we’re going to be taking stock and honestly evaluating where we stand with each other the values.
Think back over the weeks gone by and give yourself a rating for each of the virtues (maybe you’re a B+ on courage but a A on truthfulness).
This will be helpful at later dates where you will increase the amount of time spent on the virtues you’re not as strong on.
For example, when you’ve gone through one cycle of the virtues, your next cycle might keep the week-long dedications to most of the virtues, but for your weaker ones, you might go for 10 days instead.
– This week if someone does you a solid you must repay them more than they gave to you.
Not only that, but go out of your way to bestow “benefits” upon people.
Your friends will benefit by knowing you and your family, employers, coworkers.
Give acts of service and repay the acts of service others give you with greater acts of your own.
– Monitor your speech for truthfulness and this week you will be open about your loves and hates.
We’re going for radical honesty here.
Don’t hide your feelings or thoughts and opinions because this is cowardly.
Speak up for what you think is right and speak against what you think is wrong.
You are going to be speaking righteously and from the heart this week.
To hold back your feelings of love for another is cowardly, and so is to shirk from your feelings of hatred.
When both of these are due, we’re not talking about blind rage or prejudice here.
Hating bad behaviour or injustice or a strong person taking advantage of the weak is appropriate and noble, but to hate that and not speak out against it is cowardly.
– This week you will not gossip.
You will move the band on your wrist anytime you catch yourself gossiping, anytime you catch yourself not being open and truthful about your loves and hates, anytime you speak ill of someone (even one of your enemies), anytime you find yourself unduly basking in praise.
You need to start cultivating the same attitudes to praise as hate.
Example: if you’re an author, the ideal point for you to reach is so that you react with the same indifference to the five star reviews as the one star reviews.
– You’re also going to work on your posture, voice, and way of walking this week.
Walk unhurriedly and speak slowly with a deep and level voice.
– And, as always, keep a journal.
Write down what difficulties you had to overcome.
READING HOMEWORK:
That’s this week.
Next week we will be concentrating on the virtue of ambition.